Our World is Changing

Here's to change for the better

Bullies

Today, my friend posted a link on Facebook to an article about a 15 year old boy who tried to commit suicide because of bullies at his school; he is still alive, but not expected to live because of his self inflicted injuries. I wanted to let my friend know that I saw her post and had read the article, that I was feeling sad about this and wishing I could do something; but clicking the "like" button seems inappropriate, so I started thinking of what an appropriate comment would be. The more I thought about it, the more complicated and circular my thoughts became, and I decided to write about it in an attempt to find a way through the maze. 

My first thoughts were along the path laid out by my friend when she posted about the article, "Heartbreaking story out of my hometown. I wish so much that we could focus on how we're alike and not different." I was thinking about ways that we can teach ourselves, each other, our children, to focus on how we are alike when it occurred to me that perhaps bullying doesn't always stem from differences, but sometimes from seeing something of ourselves in someone else. Something that we don't like about ourselves or something that scares us. In this culture of ours, so obviously flawed, do we need to learn to look within more effectively when we notice that someone else is aggravating us? Do we need to teach kids to love themselves, even the scary parts of themselves, so that they can accept and be kind to others?

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us 

to an understanding of ourselves.” 

― Carl Jung

Not everyone who is irritated by the mirror turns to bullying, although, sadly, increasingly, we see this response in our teens. And sometimes, even more tragically, someone's irritation and angst turns to rage and instead of bullying they pick up a gun and start shooting.  

How do I respond to those that aggravate me? Do I lash out at them like the bullies in this story? Sometimes. Do I do something to hurt myself like the teen that turned to suicide? Often. Do I try to see the likeness that is triggering the response? Increasingly more often. Am I able to love that part of myself? Rarely. Do they continue to aggravate me? Of course, because I have not positively resolved how I feel about myself. As a 44 year old evolving, emotionally aware person, I am still learning these things. It is hard work slowing down to examine our feelings and learning new ways to express them. How do we teach these skills to children, to teens, or to young adults if we don't have them ourselves?

On the other hand, what about difference, true differences causes us to bully? Is there something else, other than seeing ourselves that causes us to lash out? Fear? Fear of what? The fact that someone's skin is different than ours, or they are smarter, or have different interests or religion, or have a disability has been the cause of bullying for hundreds of years.  This is so common, it can't be ignored. I like to think that I don't treat people badly because of these types of differences. Am I better than people that are part of a hate group? Or just blind to my own prejudices and unkind actions? I think I only treat people badly because of their actions or attitudes (I'm not saying this is a good thing) but maybe I need to watch out to see if I'm excluding those who are different, just because they are different.

On the topic of exclusion, a specific concept has come to my attention through several avenues over the last few years. The concept is that ignoring someone is the worst thing you can do to them. I know it is true for me. Nothing makes me feel worse that when someone looks right through me. It really hurts and can stick with me for days. Yet, I do it all the time. I hate confrontation so much that sometimes I ignore someone to avoid confrontation. Sometimes I ignore someone because I really don't know how to deal with them. So, basically, to make myself comfortable, I wound someone else. Is it worse to be bullied or to be made invisible? Probably neither. They are both painful and can lead to reactive behaviors when the victim tries to find balance, lashing out at the perpetrator or others, innocents, in their lives. Who doubts that the teen bullies in La Grande learned this behavior by being bullied themselves or hurt in some other way?

But this story isn't just about the bullies; it is about a sweet boy who turned to suicide when he was mistreated. What leads a person to self injure or to give up? If we get everyone to stop bullying, lashing out, treating those who are different and uncomfortably the same with love and kindness, will suicide decrease? Or is suicide just another side of the same coin? Is it that we are unhappy because we don't love ourselves and we choose to either bully or to punish ourselves? 

So, this is circular, but I feel that the key is learning to love ourselves. Obviously, I'm not coming to this conclusion logically, or through years of study on behavior and psychology. But I feel it. And if it is true, then fixing this problem in our society begins with me, with each of us loving ourselves first and  then those with whom we interact, and eventually that love will radiate out into our communities, our schools, our cities...the world. 

If you've read this rambling, thank you. I'd really like to hear your thoughts in the comments here, via Facebook message, or e-mail message. 

I'm off to try to love myself. Here goes...  

Hey, it says it's magical and it's only $3.              

Gratitude 6 & 7 (The first weekend)

I posted my gratitude for days 6 and 7 on Facebook late at night. I'd like to track my gratitude here on my blog, so I'm adding them now. 

Day 6, late Saturday night, "Good day. Oh! Need to post gratitude. Today I am grateful to be a Tacoman. Seriously, I love this town." Context: Stadium Art & Wine Walk with Rick, Amy, Justin, and Matt.

Day 7, late Sunday night, "Tonight I am grateful that the only time sensitive item on my calendar for tomorrow is meeting my friend Josh in the late evening." Context: feeling a bit blue, couldn't think of anything to post about Sunday, so I grasped at Monday. Did I bounce back on Monday? No. And I didn't even manage to leave the house to go see Josh. Lame. More on the blues in next post, which will most likely be titled, "Gratitude Restart."

Gratitude. Day 5.

I am grateful for my dog.
She loves me even when I neglect her.
Actually, it seems that she loves me even more when I neglect her.

Gratitude. Day 4.

Today I am grateful

that my husband is home

My husband travels a lot for work; at least it feels like a lot to us. But right now we are enjoying 19 days with no business travel and I'm so pleased to have him close. 

We are both exhausted from last night's Madonna experience, so I'm not going to spend much time writing; I'm ready to work on putting some miles on our couch, catching up on our shows while eating take out. Now, that's first class!

Gratitude. Day 3.

Today I am the most grateful

for a few moments of laughter: 

uncontrollable, eyes leaking, leaning on my knees, 

genuine laughter. 

This picture is not from today,

but when I think of laughter, I think of this photo.

Today I had many things for which to be grateful: waking up in an city where bombs do not explode; a car that is not only reliable but downright cushy (I used the heated seat today); 2 full minutes of perfect behavior by 23 kindergartners completely absorbed in the reading of a good book by a great teacher; tickets for Madonna's show tonight; my amazing husband; good friends - the list seems endless. But that laughter, it made my gratitude for all of these good things in my life absolutely shine.

Gratitude. Day 2.

Today, I am grateful
for Lisa

Lisa believes in Angels. Lisa loves all things Disney. Lisa radiates Joy.
I am not like Lisa.
I will be more like Lisa.
No, I don't think I'll ever believe in angels or enjoy a trip to Disneyland.
I will radiate JOY.

I have been spending roughly 40 hours a year with Lisa for the last few years. She always greets me with a smile and a hug. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we do not. She is my massage therapist and, now, my friend. Over the years, I've seen Lisa grow and she's seen me grow, too. She's several steps ahead of me, always, but never judges my progress. She's seen me in some of my darkest moments - moments that I manage to hide from most people, but couldn't hide from her. She's heard about all of my best moments, because I can't wait to tell her things that others might see as bragging, but she thinks I deserve the abundance that is my life. Can you imagine?

My idea of posting gratitude daily on Facebook came from seeing Lisa's posts, which lately seem to be full of gratitude. I was suspicious that she was making a concerted effort to post her gratitude every day, but she had never mentioned it to me in person. When I saw other friends posting about 30 day projects they were beginning for October, I decided I wanted to have a 30 day project, too. I thought about what I want to accomplish in October, and it was, once again, still, to be happier - more content - less mopey - less moody - less ashamed - more confident... you know, I want to radiate joy. In several of the books about the preceding topics that I've read in my quest for personal peace, the idea of expressing gratitude daily was listed as one of the best ways to increase the "feel good" in life. I tried a few times, writing 5 items before bed each night in a special journal. Five items first thing in the morning, to get the day of to a good start - that one lasted 4 days - I have proof; I just pulled the a little blank book, dated October 14, 2009, from my nightstand drawer. (Funny thing, the third item on the first day reads, "massage appt. today.") The quote on the inside cover is "She is a gatherer: moonlight, found wishes, moments of gratitude." It's the sweetest little blank book. It's not the book's fault that I only used it four times. I want this time to be different. I want to follow through. I want to see if this works! So, today, during my massage, I asked Lisa about her posts and she told me that she committed to 90 days of expressing gratitude and that she feels amazing, that I definitely should try it. Since she started the project, multiple people have told her that her positivity is astounding. Then, she told me that she's seen me change so much already, that I've used the physical issues I've faced to learn and grow. Then, she transferred some energy from the angels to me.

Her encouragement means so much; today, I am grateful for Lisa (and her angels). Thank you, Lisa.


"Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary." —Margaret Cousins

October 2012 Gratitude - Day 1

Today, I am grateful for 

the heat of the sun on my back.

October is my favorite month and I've decided to celebrate it by blogging about gratitude. I haven't given this much thought yet; it will be interesting to see how this idea develops throughout the month and how it affects my mood. In the past, I've tried writing down 5 things for which I am grateful each day before going to sleep and that lasted a week or two at most. I'm hoping that doing it publicly will keep me going a bit longer. For now, I'm just committing to one thing each day; maybe I'll build up to 5 by next month. 

So, for today, let's kick this off with a link to another blog: You're just minutes from happiness

On Work

Thinking PEACE on Memorial Day

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

More about Tacoma Food Co-Op

I recently wrote about Tacoma Food Co-op. If you are interested in more information, but missed the last coffee talk, no worries, there is another one coming up this Thursday evening. Or you can get a lot of information on their website.  


The co-op could use your* involvement! Join us!

Thursday, May 19, 6pm – 7pm

Bluebeard Coffee, 2201 6th Ave, Tacoma, WA 98403

*Bloom in Health would like to sponsor the membership of a few Gritty Tacomans who are willing to invest time and enthusiasm in TFC. Please send an e-mail to Bloom in Health (or comment below if you are comfortable doing so) telling us why and how you would like invest in our community via the co-op, as well as a brief description of the financial circumstances that do not enable you to invest cash in the co-op at this time.

Please "like" Bloom in Health on Facebook here.

Individualized Nutrition for My Body and Brain

I haven't been feeling great since mid April after I returned from my visit to Philly. When I don't feel great, I don't feel like writing. I'm writing now because I feel very unproductive and like I don't deserve to to take up space unless I do something today. I usually write out of inspiration or because I want to share some information that I think is important. Today, I write out of a pretty dark place and I guess my only goal is to feel a bit of accomplishment and to let my friends that share my issues with depression, food issues, and/or digestive issues know that they aren't alone. 

Last Friday, I got the results of my food intolerance blood test and had quite a few surprises. The list of foods that my body does not tolerate is longer than I'd hoped and includes some of my favorite foods. Thankfully there is a list of foods that my body likes and I can eat off of that list until I start feeling good. Then, I can slowly reintroduce some of my favorite foods and see how I feel. I've been eating a fairly restricted diet (but 'cheating' fairly regularly) for the last several months. Some of the foods that my doctor and I thought were safe are actually not good for me, such as avocado, rice, vanilla, cherrries, pineapple, spinach, cabbage, lettuces, and turkey. It will be interesting to see what happens when I get them out of my system. I'm also more allergic than the average person to molds. And I'm intolerant of  a few food colorings. More on that some other time.

Good news is that I don't have a problem with Candida Albicans or the entire family of nightshades. So I can add back in more fruit and spicy peppers (as long as it doesn't give me heartburn). 

So, here is my list:

Severe Intolerance: apricot, avocado, clam, corn, halibut, psyllium, walnut.

Moderate Intolerance: banana, bay leaf, cabbage, carrot, coconut, cow's milk, garlic, green pea, hops, iceberg lettuce, lime, orange, peach, pineapple, sardine, sole, spinach, tuna, wheat, (plus, because of gluten: barley, malt, rye and oats)

Mild Intolerance: artichoke, asparagus, beet, black pepper, blueberry, buckwheat, cane sugar, caraway, cherry, clove, date, duck, egg yolk, honeydew melon, kiwi, lemon, lobster, mustard, olive, onion, parsley, plum, rice, safflower, sesame, string bean, sunflower, thyme, tomato, trout, turkey, vanilla, white potato.

Acceptable Foods

• Vegetables/Legumes: black-eyed peas, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, celery, chick pea, cucumber, eggplant, green pepper, kidney bean, lentil bean, lima bean, mushroom, navy bean, pinto bean, radish, soybean, squash (yellow), sweet potato, turnip.
• Fruits: apple, blackberry cantaloupe, cranberry, fig, grape, grapefruit, mango, papaya, pear, pumpkin, raspberry, strawberry, watermelon.
• Meat: beef, chicken, lamb, pork, veal.
• Dairy: egg white, goat's milk
• Seafood: bass, codfish, crab, haddock, herring, oyster, salmon, scallop, shrimp snapper, tilapia.
• Grains: millet, tapioca.
• Herbs/Spices: basil, cayenne, cinnamon, cumin, dill, ginger, mint, nutmeg, oregano, paprika, sage.
• Nuts/Oils and Misc: almond, baker's yeast, beet sugar, blk/green tea, brewer's yeast, carob, cashew, cocoa, coffee, cottonseed, flaxseed, HFCS, hazelnut, honey, peanut, pecan, pistachio.

I still have some confusion since there are things for which I was not tested that I'd like to eat, like kale (can't have cabbage but can have broccoli, so what about kale?).  They didn't test for quinoa or amaranth, but my doctor said to go ahead and eat them since they are gluten free. I'm a little nervous about quinoa though, because it is related to spinach and beets - both are on my bad list. We also discussed oats and I'll eat the gluten free kind.  Also, I think that some of the foods on the acceptable list might give me heartburn, so I'd have to cut those. 

I'll let you know how it goes. Today is DAY 1, since I ate whatever I wanted over the weekend because of two special events. No wonder I feel like crapola today. 

DAY 1

Breakfast: Egg Whites

Snack: Juice of crenshaw melon (not on my list, but I already had it here - hoping it is okay) and strawberries

Lunch: Leftover special chili (beef, pureed red pepper, acceptable spices) Delicious. Thank you , Rick!

Dinner? Probably left over pork, amaranth, and broccoli. 

Sorry for the lack of eloquence and/or enthusiasm, but hopefully that will change over the next month. 

Tacoma Food Co-Op

Do you have questions about Tacoma Food Co-op? Join Mandy Landa on Saturday, May 7, 2011, between 11am – 12pm at The Greener Bean in Fircrest for a Coffee Talk!  


The co-op could use your* involvement! Join us!


Rick and I were hesitant to join until recently when we became confident that Tacoma is ready for a food co-op. Why are we so confident now?


~ A great location has been chosen and a transition agreement reached with the owner


~ The co-op has 523 paid members (as of April 25, 2011)


~ Shares in the co-op will be available mid-May offering members a chance to further invest in the co-op and our community


~ The hiring process is well underway for a General Manager




*Bloom in Health would like to sponsor the membership of a few Gritty Tacomans who are willing to invest time and enthusiasm in TFC. Please send an e-mail to Bloom in Health (or comment below if you are comfortable doing so) telling us why and how you would like invest in our community via the co-op, as well as a brief description of the financial circumstances that do not enable you to invest cash in the co-op at this time.


Please "like" Bloom in Health on Facebook here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Fast Food" Testing #1

Vega Sequel Whole Food Energy Bar

Sometimes I don't do a very good job planning ahead for meals. I know I'm not alone in this! Before I did my detox diet in February and began trying to do an elimination diet, I always had convenience foods around the house for "emergencies." You know, when your blood sugar gets so low, you get moody and a bit faint. I relied on wheat thins, tortilla chips, cheddar cheese, a sandwich (or just a slice of bread!), dried fruit, Luna bars, and nuts to revive me enough to think of a better meal or give me enough energy to make it to the next meal. I thought my choices were fairly healthy. It turns out the foods themselves aren't awful, but they may have been causing problems for me. I am now exploring the possibility that I am intolerant of gluten, some nuts, corn, and dairy.  My former snacks are currently ruled out.

Of bigger concern, according to recent research presented on The Dr. Oz Show, cancer develops in response to the stress we cause our bodies by not eating on a regular schedule.

When you eat meals at different times rather than on a regular schedule, your body goes into stress mode. For example, when you eat breakfast at 7 a.m. one morning and 11 a.m. the next, your body becomes confused about where its next meal is coming from. This causes the secretion of the stress hormone cortisol. High levels of cortisol lead to spikes in insulin, which causes inflammation and can increase the risk of many cancers.

Dr. Oz’s suggestion is to

Create a regular meal schedule and do your best to stick with it. Since life often intervenes when it comes to routines, make a habit of carrying a healthy snack with you at all times, such as air-popped popcorn or an apple, to ward off hunger pangs and insulin spikes.

Many of the foods that I eat now require planning, and I’m still not good at that! For example, my calendar just reminded me that I need to eat lunch, so I went to the kitchen and started looking around. The only left-overs in the fridge were some (under)baked beets and carrots that need some more time in the oven. I popped those in, but felt that I needed something right away.  Fortunately, I remembered that a box had arrived on my porch this morning from Sequel Naturals. A few days ago, I went online searching for “super foods,” which I had just heard about through WISH, in an interview with Mike Adams. I found some super food energy bars that sounded good and ordered them.

I opened up the package and took my first bite. Hmm, tastes healthy. As I chewed (and chewed) I started to read the packaging. I discovered that the bars had been developed by Brendan Brasier, a professional Ironman triathelete and author, whom I had recently heard speak on his experiences with switching to a raw food diet. “Made exclusively from raw, alkaline, plant-based superfoods.” That sounds good. Oops! Almond butter. Oh, Almonds and wheat grass. The bar had started to taste pretty good and I wanted to eat more. I reacted badly to almonds a few weeks ago, but hadn’t had a noticeable reaction to wheat when I tried it. And I had been avoiding wheat and dried fruit these past months just because my doctor is treating me for a candida infection; theoretically both those foods would ‘feed’ the yeast in my belly. I decided to finish the bar (it was really tasting yummy now, after I had gotten used to the flavor) and see how my body reacts. I sure hope I can eat them; otherwise, 11 of my friends will be receiving samples!

Happiness through Attitude Adjustment - Part 1

Photographic art by J M Barclay
I bought a 5x5 print of this today. I am grateful.
I found it because a friend posted a link on Facebook.

The universe conspires to assist me. No, I'm not joking!

Yesterday and today, my assignments in my health coaching course were about positive psychology. I got to listen to a lecture by James Pawelski, PhD, Director of Education and Senior Scholar in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania about achieving happiness. The lecture was chock-full of information that I'm still digesting. I'll be sharing some of it soon, I assure you!

Today, part of my assignment was to watch this video from 20/20 that reminded me of my post from a few days ago as well as a book that I read in 2009. Pursuit of happiness has been a recurring theme in my life for the last few years and I haven't been highly successful. Most likely my set point (genetic) for happiness is quite low. What is encouraging is that Dr. Pawelski and the experts in the video agree that even with a low set-point, I can choose actions that will increase my happiness dramatically.

The video, the lecture, and the book have one solution in common, the first key to happiness is a change in attitude gained by attention to gratitude. In 2009, I started writing down 5 things for which I was grateful before I got out of bed in the morning. This habit didn't take, probably because I'm not a morning person. Dr. Pawelski instructed us to do an exercise called "Three Blessings" wherein before you go to bed, you write down three good things that happened during the day and then write down why each of them happened. One of the experts in the video recommends following grandma's advice: count your blessings.

So, step one to changing my attitude (one degree at a time) is now officially to count my blessings before I go to bed. Five of them, in writing, and why these blessings happened. I think you'll be able to tell if this approach works, since I'm fairly transparent, but I'll make sure to post about it through the year.

Roasted Veg Fish Stew Recipe

Tonight I concocted a stew that is worth sharing! Unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures. Maybe I'll snap a shot of my leftovers tomorrow. We had fish and cabbage to use and I wanted to make the stew as anti-inflammatory as I could. Most of the ingredients were from our Terra Organics box.

Ingredients
2 Tilapia fillets (I got ours in a multi-pack from Costco)
1 small head organic red cabbage
1 long organic sweet potato (could substitute carrots or beets)
1/2 onion
1 head of garlic
5-6 cups of liquid (I used 3.5 cups of vegetable broth and some water)
Peeled and grated fresh organic ginger (I started with a chunk about the size of my thumb)
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper
1/2 tsp turmeric (less for those of you who can taste turmeric)
salt and pepper to taste

Turn on oven to 400 degrees. Slice sweet potato into 1/2 inch thick rounds, prepare garlic to roast (see great instructions here), cut off bottom of onion. Place them on baking sheet and drizzle with olive oil. Cover onion and garlic with foil. Roast for about 30 minutes. While this is happening, you can leave the kitchen!

Pull pan out of oven and allow to cool a bit. Meanwhile, put liquid in large pot, add spices and ginger. Bring to boil, then lower heat, stirring regularly.  Chop cabbage and add to pot. Stir. Cut up onion into large chunks and add to pot. Squeeze out garlic and add to pot. Stir. Cut fish into larger than bite size pieces and add to pot. Look at the time. Cut sweet potato rounds into quarters and add to pot.  Serve after fish has been in the stew for 5 minutes or less. It cooks very quickly. You can add it frozen and it will still cook in less than 10 minutes in the hot liquid.

I'm not eating bread or dairy right now, so we had this stew as our main course. It would be lovely with a slice of bread and a dollop of sour cream on top. One of the lovely things about this stew is its dark color and rustic, hearty look. The roasted vegetables are sweet and the broth is spicy. You can taste the fish, but it isn't overwhelming.

Serves 4-5.
Prep and cook time, 50 minutes. Actual time in kitchen: 20 at most. I didn't even peel the sweet potatoes - the skins fell off in the soup and blended right in with the cabbage.

Rick paired the soup with Trio Vintners Mourvedre 2007 and it was a lovely choice. Against the spicy and sweet soup, the wine tasted light and sweet. Really nice.

Attitude Adjustment

Last week, I had a poor attitude - not really a "bad" attitude, just sad, unmotivated, a little hopeless. I kept trying to change my attitude, shrug it off, find the silver lining to the dark clouds hovering over my soul. It reminded me of how I've felt when I've been depressed and I was afraid that the clouds wouldn't part no matter what positive thinking techniques I attempted. It helped a little to hear from friends that I wasn't the only one. Some blamed mercury in retrograde, some the pull of the moon, some the shift in the earth from the earthquake in Japan, some the gloomy skies, and others just had some really crappy stuff going on in their lives. No matter the cause, we all have bad days, which sometimes turn into bad weeks or months.

This morning, even though it is cold and raining (again!), I could feel that the storm in my brain had passed. Whew, I did something right! Maybe it was the rest that I allowed myself, maybe the extra vitamins, maybe the loving support of my husband or the cumulative effect of the multiple friends that shared their lives with me during the week. They accepted my slump and shared their own struggles - and we all found something to laugh about. As I think about my past, and my varied approaches to attitude, I realize that during different phases of my 42 years I've experienced a lot of approaches to attitude adjustment.

Watercolor by Wendy Burchill

STAND UP STRAIGHT AND SMILE! This was delivered by my mother often enough that I remember it clearly. And usually said with an accompanying grip of my elbow or back of the neck. This hurt and made me angry. The message from my parents about a poor attitude was consistent: go to your room until you can come out with a smile on your face; if you can't feel it, fake it; if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. This approach didn't help me feel better, but at least they didn't have to deal with me.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT:  The first time I heard this phrase was in grade school. One of the teachers at our small school used it regularly. "Somebody needs an attitude adjustment."  Sometimes it meant straighten up, other times it meant that the paddle was going to be employed. It never worked.

LET GO, AND LET GOD: This one is more subtle, but was pervasive in my life for 28 years. The gist of this approach is that if you trust in God, He will give you peace. If you don't feel peace, you are too self absorbed and not trusting enough. A true believer won't have much discouragement because it is all God's will.

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE helped me through some really tough times, and has given me some measure of peace, but hasn't really cheered me up. For this to work, you need to wholeheartedly believe that everything happens for a reason. That something positive will eventually come from the negative. For example, my experiences with my second husband taught me a lot about addiction, drug dealers, and absolute desperation, that I hoped would help me later in life, either to relate to others in the same boat or just to make me a stronger person.

FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT seems to work sometimes, but I've always found it to be a temporary fix. Faking it can also really backfire as friends can sense that something false is going on even if they can't put their finger on it. Trust is fragile.

DON'T LIKE IT? CHANGE IT!  I call bullshit on this one. There are people that like to say that we all have the power to change our circumstances. Talk to my cousin who has schizophrenia or a mother living in a war refuge camp about this one. Even when applied strictly to attitude, I have trouble with this. When a person is clinically depressed, they can try and try and try again to change their attitude without success. Telling a person, to "Just smile! Change your attitude!" is not helpful in any situation. On the other hand, I do think that it is helpful to think of our psychological attitudes like aviation attitude, that is, directional.  Even a change in attitude of half of a degree will change a long term outcome. And often a very slight change in attitude is possible and that slight change can make a world of difference in the long run.

My perspective today, as I'm coming out of a rough week, is that advice and forced cheerfulness don't really help someone that is hurting. SINCERE SUPPORT does help. It might take some of your valuable time and energy, but it really helps. If your friend seems down, telling them to 'buck up' isn't going to help; although it might temporarily make you feel better about yourself. The more I think about attitudes, the more I think we need to learn to accept ourselves and those around us, in good times and bad. We are human beings each with a unique combination of attributes that make us whole. And as Dr. Carl Jung said, "I'd rather be whole than good." As whole human beings we have dark thoughts and impulses as well as light. When we deny that part of ourselves, as with denial of any part of ourselves, that part of ourselves won't leave us alone. By accepting and loving the entirety of our beings, we can more easily focus on and share the light. The next time I'm in a slump, I'm going to do my best to accept my poor attitude as part of who I am, a beautiful, moody, sensitive, strong woman. I may try to change my attitude by a degree, but I'm not going to beat myself up just because I'm feeling sad. And when my friends have a negative or sad attitude, I'm going to try to give hugs and let them know that they are beautiful even when they are experiencing pain and that I am so grateful that they are a unique piece in the puzzle of my life.


Upon re-reading this post, I realized that the majority of what I wrote was negative, or "what not to do," leaving just the last paragraph to emphasize the encouragement part. I thought about changing it, but then decided to accept the process, to accept my feelings and thoughts, and allow them to be seen by you, dear reader. Hopefully my honesty and vulnerability will serve to inspire someone, someday.

Picture 59 - March 27

First meeting of the Puget Sound IIN study group.

Picture 59 - March 26

Picture 58 - March 25